Monday, January 25, 2010

A lesson learned

Something not so cool happened to me the other day. I commented on a blog that I read quite often. I actually comment on this particular blog quite often as well. I've had cyber discussions and email discussions with the writer of this particular blog. I like her. We seem to see eye to eye on a few things and she's helped me with some baby wearing and cloth diapering. In this particular post she was talking about her parenting philosophy. Her daughter had thrown a fit in church and she decided to ignore the fit until the child was calm. In my comment, I totally agreed with this type of discipline, as this is how temper tantrums are handled in my house. I also commented that I stand my child in the corner if she's bad. I stated that it seems like there are days when she's in the corner all day long. (Trust me..she only LOOKS sweet and innocent!) For some reason, two other readers and commenters chose to misinterpret my words. They seemed to think that I mean that I stand my child in the corner from the time she wakes up till the time she goes to bed. Apparently I don't even let her out for meals or potty breaks (insert eye roll here please!). I tried repeatedly to explain that she does not spend the entire day in the corner. If she misbehaves, she receives a warning, and if she chooses to do the behavior again, she stands in the corner for 3 minutes (let's face's usually not even a minute). She has to apologize to me for being bad and then she's free to go on her way. Now, if she chooses to repeat the behavior, back into the corner she goes! These terribly viscous women went so far as to hunt me down, find out my full name, the town I live in and my home address. Allegedly they called CPS on me stating that I was abusing my child and the child I care for three times a week.
I was appalled. I was totally shocked that anyone would EVER think that I abused any child. It's been eating at me for days. I define myself as a mother. That's my job. My role in society is to mother my children. Their upbringing is my job. If you know me, you know that my children are my life. I am rarely with out them. To think that someone would say that I was abusing my children just knocked me flat. I ranted, I raged, I cried. I called my sister and I ranted and raged to her. I ranted and raged on Facebook. I ranted and raged to my husband. And now I'm blogging about it. This happened several days ago and I'm still enraged that anyone would think that I'm an abuser.
Then I took a step back. I thought about it. I knew that there was a lesson to be learned here. I knew if I just breathed and settled myself, I'd find it. At first I thought that maybe the lesson was that I'd made myself too accessible on the internet. So, I changed a few things. I even thought about taking down my blog. Then I thought about making it private. Then I abandoned that idea. I did change my profile settings on several of the websites I use and made sure privacy settings were what I thought they were on others.
Then I chuckled. I chuckled because I had been praying for patience. I am cursed with a temper. I inherited it honest from both of grandfathers. The temper in our family is legendary! So, lately I've been working on my patience. Patience with my husband, patience with my children and patience with myself. I realized that God put these women in my life as a test of my patience. He wanted to see if I could handle it. I admit, I could have handled it better. But I could have handled it worse! I could have resorted to name calling and public scorning as these women did.
All in all, I came away from the situation a stronger person. I learned a hard lesson about what to share and whom to share it with. I sincerely doubt that CPS will come knocking at my door anytime soon. If they do, they will find that my children are loved, fed, clothed and have a roof over their heads. They will find a less than perfect mother, but they'll find a mother that has dedicated her life to loving her children. So, to these women I say, you are not my judge. Only God is my judge. He is the one that decides if I'm worthy, not you. I also say thank you for teaching me a lesson I needed to learn.


Ashley T said...

I wanna cuss, but I won't... hateful hags is not what i wanna say but close enough. Glad you "learned" something from it.. even though its a seriously scary though what they did. Love ya!

Gwenn said...

(((Hugs!!))) Those type of people just thrive on chaos..that's why I'm super careful about what I say never know what weirdo will come out of the woodwork.

As a side note..I thought it was funny that they think they are safer online than you b/c they use an "anonymous"'s easy to track down their IP address.

Anonymous said...

I have just recently found your blog, and I am very sorry that these things happened to you. I would be very disappointed if you took it down - although I would understand why you did so. You do a great job w/ your girls and should be very proud. Keep on doing what you are doing!