Monday, January 4, 2010

It's been a year

It's been a year since my Grandmother passed away. I know I've mentioned her several times in my blog. I was really close to my Grandmother growing up. She was always there when I needed her. I can remember one time I was about 10. I was having a really bad day. I can't remember what made me so sad, but I was inconsolable. Grandma pulled me on her lap and rocked me in her chair. She had this horribly ugly orange rocking chair that creaked when you rocked in it. Every time it creaked Grandma would say "rock-a-by, rock-a-by." She held me that day for a very long time, even though I was WAY too big to be rocked. Grandma didn't care. She just gathered me up in her arms and rocked me anyway. Through all the times that I spent with my Grandma, that one sticks out the most. I think it's because it's so representative of who she was. She was always there to pick me up when I fell. Sometimes I would get so frustrated because she had the nerve to let me fall. I mean, how dare she! Now I know why she let me fall. It was to teach me how to pick myself back up again.

The day before Grandma died, I took Adelae to see her one last time. Grandma was barely responsive, but when she heard that Adelae was there she tried. She tried to say Adelae's name and she tried to kiss her. That gesture alone shows how much Grandma loved my little girl. It's a very painful memory, but it's also one of my favorites.

I was there when Grandma took her last breath. I know that God called her to Heaven to sit amongst the angels. I know that she watches over us. It still makes me unbearably sad that my girls won't remember Grandma. It tears me up that she will never gather them up in her lap and tell them "rock-a-by" as they fall asleep. It makes me so sad that I can't call her on the phone and talk to her. Or go to the nursing home to visit her. It kills me. I think of her every single day. I miss her like crazy.

I know that Grandma left a fabulous legacy through all her kids, grandkids and great grandkids. I try every day to be the Mom that she would want me to be. I pray every day that I've made her proud. I pray that I become half the woman she was. If I can achieve that, then I will be happy and satisfied. I know that one day I'll see her again.

I love you Grandma!

1 comment:

Ashley T said...

aw! Hugs Shaun! I know you miss her.