Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I hate that....

Sorry readers, I've sort of lost the thankfullness lately. It's not that I'm not thankful for things, even though some days it's hard, I just haven't had time to blog. Adelae is sick, I'm sick, and Brinna has been sick since Thanksgiving. I took the kiddos to the doctor today and it turns out Brinna has a double ear infection and a sinus infection. Since she's been coughing for so long, the doctor wanted her tested for whooping cough as well. Those results should be in sometime this week. Adelae has a nasty cold and I'm to watch her closely for signs of pneumonia. In the meantime, she's just miserable. There's nothing I can do and that makes me feel like a failure as a mother. Add that to the fact that I've been chalking Brinna's cough up to a cold and now I find out that it could be something serious, and you'll realize why I'm feeling pretty cruddy today. I hate this. I hate that I don't know when my kids are really sick or if it's just a cold. I hate that it makes me feel like a failure. I hate the fact that I'm sick and therefor am doing a half-ass job at being a mom and a wife. I hate the fact that my mother keeps questioning my mothering skills. I hate the fact that I'm so tired I can barely move. I hate the fact that Brinna only sleeps for three hours at a time. I hate the fact that the reason she only sleeps for three hours is because she's in pain. I hate the fact that instead of giving her medicine, like a good mom, I get frustrated and just pray that she goes back to sleep. I hate the fact that Ben has to work 12 hour shifts this week, so he's little help at home. I hate this crappy day and I can't wait for it to be over.

I would like to add that as I'm typing this, I'm looking out at the most amazing sunset. Perhaps it's God's way of telling me to suck it up. So, I guess I'm thankful for that!


Chris said...

I do not think that you are a failure of a mother. I think that you are a very good mother, from reading your past blogs. You are just getting worn out, so that is why you are feeling that way. Stay strong and God will guide you through this!

Amber said...

Um, you're not a failure. You're just going through one of the downs in the ups and downs of being a parent.

Hang in there. I wish I could 'swing by' and lend a hand. Prayers coming your way instead.