Sorry readers, I've sort of lost the thankfullness lately. It's not that I'm not thankful for things, even though some days it's hard, I just haven't had time to blog. Adelae is sick, I'm sick, and Brinna has been sick since Thanksgiving. I took the kiddos to the doctor today and it turns out Brinna has a double ear infection and a sinus infection. Since she's been coughing for so long, the doctor wanted her tested for whooping cough as well. Those results should be in sometime this week. Adelae has a nasty cold and I'm to watch her closely for signs of pneumonia. In the meantime, she's just miserable. There's nothing I can do and that makes me feel like a failure as a mother. Add that to the fact that I've been chalking Brinna's cough up to a cold and now I find out that it could be something serious, and you'll realize why I'm feeling pretty cruddy today. I hate this. I hate that I don't know when my kids are really sick or if it's just a cold. I hate that it makes me feel like a failure. I hate the fact that I'm sick and therefor am doing a half-ass job at being a mom and a wife. I hate the fact that my mother keeps questioning my mothering skills. I hate the fact that I'm so tired I can barely move. I hate the fact that Brinna only sleeps for three hours at a time. I hate the fact that the reason she only sleeps for three hours is because she's in pain. I hate the fact that instead of giving her medicine, like a good mom, I get frustrated and just pray that she goes back to sleep. I hate the fact that Ben has to work 12 hour shifts this week, so he's little help at home. I hate this crappy day and I can't wait for it to be over.
I would like to add that as I'm typing this, I'm looking out at the most amazing sunset. Perhaps it's God's way of telling me to suck it up. So, I guess I'm thankful for that!