Letters of Intent

Dear Post Office that "lost" my package:

You suck. See, I bought the things in the box from a friend of mine. The items in the box were to be intended for as a Christmas gift for my child. Thankfully, she isn't old enough to realize that she didn't get the games for her Leap Pad. However, I've had to listen to "Disney Princess Stories" more times than I care to admit. In fact, I've had to hide the Leap Pad from my daughter because of the lack of books she owns for her Leap Pad. This results in lots of whining and begging for her "computer." It's not fun. Next time she whines or cries about it, I'm having her call you. I would bring her to your office so you could see the tears and the puppy dog eyes, but it's too far of a drive. The package is being re-shipped so please don't lose it this time.

Sincerely,
A Mom and the end of her rope

Dear Whining Child,

Please stop. Mommy is tired. Your baby sister is not sleeping well, so neither is Mommy. If you continue to whine at a decibal only dogs can here, I will be forced to stand you in the corner for an undetermined amount of time. And furthermore, if you could please sleep in your own bed all night, I would really appreciate. I do love to snuggle you, but waking up at 3:00 am with your foot in my face is not snuggling. It also prevents me from getting a full nights sleep. Oh! One more thing..your baby sister does NOT enjoy having her head squeezed so please stop. Honestly, MY head may explode if I have say the phrase "Stop squeezing your sister's head!" one more time.

Thank you,
Your loving and adoring Mommy

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