Letters of Intent

Dear sweet baby Brinna;

SLEEEEEP CHILD SLEEEEP! Seriously! Mommy is TIRED. Like beyond tired. Exhausted. This business of not napping unless I'm holding you is getting old. Likewise to the waking in the middle of the night and screaming your tiny little head off. Yes, I love snuggling with you. I don't even mind bringing you into Mommy and Daddy's bed. However, if I bring you into my bed, you must SLEEP! 2:00 am (or 4:00 am) is NOT playtime. It is sleep time. Daddy has to get up really early for work in the morning and when you wake him up at 3:00 am by repeatedly smacking him in the face, he's crabby. When you scream at the top of your lungs like someone is hurting you, you wake up your sister. That makes her crabby. When you continue crying, that wakes up Mommy. That makes Mommy tired and crabby. I promise you, we will ALL be in better moods if you would just SLEEEEEP! Just lay your tiny little head down and close your eyes. If you can't sleep, could you at least learn to play quietly in your crib? Mommy put a ton of toys in there. You have a tiny baby, a glow worm, a nice fuzzy stuffed elephant and a stuffed kitty. They're all there to entertain you.
I love you, my sweet sweet baby, but if you don't start sleeping, Mommy's going to lose her ever-lovin' mind.


Sincerely,
ZZZZZZZZZ...what? oh, I was typing...
Your very sleepy Mommy


Dear Adelae;

It wouldn't be fair of me to write a letter to your sister and not to you. So, stop sassing me please. I get it, you're 3 (almost 4) and fiercely independent. I understand that you have opinions on what you do and don't like. I get it! But when Mommy says "Hurry up and get dressed." That means hurry up and get dressed. It does not mean go play with your toys until you're good and ready to get dressed. When Mommy says "Please pick up your shoes and put them away." That means to put them away. It doesn't mean to put them in another room where you think I can't see them. And no, I don't care if that's what Daddy does. When Mommy says to eat your dinner, you don't get to say "But I don't want that dinner." You get to eat it and be grateful that we have hot food. And if you don't eat your nice hot dinner, you can expect to put on your pajamas and go to bed. Yes, I know that means that I'm a mean Mommy. I honestly don't care. You'll get over it. So, let's work on the attitude. Mmmkay?

Sincerely;
I swear, child if you don't pick that up.....

Really?--Letters of Intent

Dear Ear Nose and Throat Associates:
Attn: Dr. Shreck

You might not remember me, I'm sure you're absurdly busy, but you did my sinus surgery back in September. You did a great job and I can't complain about your surgical skills. However, I really think you might need a watch. Or a lesson in time management. I came to your office yesterday for a follow up to my follow up. I was informed upon check-in that you were running at least and hour and a half behind. AN HOUR AND A HALF! WHAT?! How does one get THAT far behind? And why oh why wouldn't your secretary, nurse, or someone call patients and explain that you are behind. Maybe do them the courtesy of seeing if they would like to reschedule.
I wish I could explain what an ordeal it is to bring a 3.5 year old and a 15 month old to Mommy's doctor appointment. First, there's the diapers and the wipes. Then there's the snack and the drinks. And, of course, the toys. You see, I want to be prepared so that my appointment can go as smoothly as possible. But here's the thing, an hour and a half wait with two little kids just simply isn't possible. Not to mention my appointment was at 4:15, so that would mean I wouldn't be seen until 5:45. That's dangerously close to the dinner hour. Maybe other kids don't turn into crazed maniacs around the dinner hour, but mine do. So, again, not a good scenario.
I was totally amazed that the receptionist was totally rude as well. She said "It's not like I can do anything about it." I explained that I would be unable to wait and she said "What do you want me to do?" What I wanted to say was "Walk your lazy behind over to your handy dandy computer and schedule a different appointment. And while you're at it, how about an apology and some compassion." But what I said was "Can you just cancel my appointment?" I kindly explained that I had made the 25 minute drive and that I was a little frustrated. She said "That's not MY fault." Apparently she knows of some teleportation device that would beam me directly into your office, eliminating the need to drive.
It's like this...if I showed up an hour and a half late, would you still see me? What's that? The answer is no? Well then, why am I expected to wait on you? Do you forget that you charged me almost $20,000 to do the surgery? Do you forget that YOU work for ME, not the other way around? You see, I'm wise to this game. I won't play it. I won't make my kids and myself miserable because of your poor time management. I won't do it. Yes, you are a great doctor, but you will no longer be MY doctor.

Signed:
I'm not waiting

Letters of Intent

Dear Self:
Get motivated to write more blogs. Stop being so afraid you'll offend someone by posting a blog on the proposed Mosque by Ground Zero. (For it, by the way) I don't know why on Earth you think you're too busy to write. I mean, it's not like you've been busy every single weekend since May. It's not as if you have a 1 year old that just learned to walk, open drawers and cupboard doors, and learned to close drawers and cupboard doors. It's not like you're trying to get the house ready for a visit from out of state family. You also don't have a surgery scheduled soon or child waiting to start preschool. Oh wait...that's right..you do have all of those things. Hmm..Ok...maybe I'll forgive you, just this once! But seriously, start blogging again.

Sincerely,
Your creative side


Dear adorably honest 3 year old:

It's not appropriate to ask Grammy why she has a big bump on her head (it's a mole) or why she has wrinkles, or why her skin is bumpy. Yes I know Mommy laughed, but that still doesn't make it right. It's also NOT ok to tell Mommy that she needs a bra for her tummy since "bras are for holding up your boobs so they aren't saggy and jiggly and Mommy's tummy is saggy and jiggly." Mommy has quite enough body issues with out you adding to it. It's also not ok to make your sister cry by literally dragging her away from your toys. Also, I'm fairly certain it wasn't your 1 year old sister that knocked over all the toys and drug them into the corner so "she could hide from Mommy."

Signed,
It's a good thing you're so darn cute or I'd get really mad



Dear adorably cute toddler:

Please stop pinching your fingers in the dresser drawers. It hurts. You think you would have learned that lesson by now. Could you also please stop climbing the stairs at lightening quick speed? It gives Mommy a slight heart attack when you sit at the top of stairs and wave to me. The door to the stairs is shut for a reason. Let's leave it that way, mmmkay? And I know that you're getting teeth, but biting everyone isn't cool. But, please don't stop giving Mommy hugs and saying "awwww" while you do it.

Sincerely,
Your mommy that loves you even though she's slightly frazzled

PS...I know you don't know what the toilet is for yet, but take it from me when I tell you it's NOT for playing.

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Letters of Intent

Dear Contacts:

I don't understand you. I take care of you. I change you every 30 days(give or take a few), I don't sleep in you, I make sure to clean you each and every night. Why oh why do you insist on sticking to my eyeball like you were put in with super glue? Why? Why do you insist on making most of my days miserable. Why? I don't understand. According to my eye doctor, you're the best on the market. I'm contemplating just going back to wearing my glasses. And I really really hate my glasses. I'll give you one more opportunity before I chuck you forever. Please oh please oh please don't make me go back to wearing my glasses. Please?

Sincerely,
One who does not look good in glasses.


Dear adorable 3 year old daughter,

I love you very much. You'll always be my first born and my baby. Always. Now, let's talk about the hunger strike you're apparently on. I just want you to eat. You don't have to eat very much, just enough to survive. I would really appreciate it if you would do it with no tears and screaming. The crying and screaming are getting REALLY old. Really. I don't have much sanity left and you're stealing it meal by meal. I'm pretty sure if this continues, Mommy's going to wind up in the loony bin saying "Just eat your food. Please. Just eat your darn food! If you don't eat, you're going to bed." Over and over and over.

Sincerely,
Mommy's about to snap

Wait...what's that? Hmm...apparently I already say that over and over again. Well, now I'm wondering, do you think I could nap in the loony bin? And I bet they don't make you cook or clean either right? And my family could probably come visit once in awhile right? So, in reality it's like a vacation. Maybe I could even afford one of those fancy spa places. Ya know..where the celebs go to "rest." Actually, it's sounding better and better............

Letters of Intent

Dear Mr & Mrs G;
I wrote this post to you awhile ago when you were calling our previous dog over to your house. Now I'm writing it again.
I have been very patient with you, Mr. & Mrs. G, in regards to my animals. I've asked you nicely. I've pleaded. I've begged. Well, no more Mrs. Nice Shaun. Nope!
I let it go when I saw that you had MY dog in YOUR dog kennel. I politely asked you not to do it again. I bit my tongue so hard I thought I was going to bite it in half. I put on my kind neighborly face and simply said "Please call me next time." You got a little huffy with me, Mrs. G, but I let it go.
Flash forward a few weeks. I was out in the garden (which you can't see from your house) and I HEARD you call my dog over to your yard. I peeked around my shed. I saw you in your front yard, hands cupped around your mouth and I heard you shout "Vinnie! Come here boy!" I nearly lost my marbles right then and there. I grabbed the dog's leash and hightailed it over to your house. You were feeding my dog treats. I saw you with my own two eyes. I once again explained that you were NOT to call my dog over to your house. Your response, Mrs. G, was to say "It's not MY fault he comes over here." (Which is EXACTLY what you said LAST time with our OTHER dog that you were CALLING over to your house.) My response was "Well, Mrs. G, I was out in my garden and I heard you call his name." Your response was "No, I was asking Mr. G if he had seen Vinnie lately." Ooooookkkkkkaaaayyyyy..... I once again said "Mrs. G, we're trying to teach Vinnie his boundaries. If you play with him when he comes over, it's reinforcing negative behavior. You are more than welcome to come over and play with Vinnie anytime you want. In fact, I'm sure he'd love to play with you in his own yard with his toys." Your snotty response, Mrs G, "We're not going to NOT play with him if he comes over. We just love that dog." Oooooooookkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy again. So, I asked you, Mrs. G if you would like to keep Vinnie for your very own. You see, I would rather you keep him then have him get hit on the road. Your response, once again in a very snotty tone was "No, we're too old for dogs. They're too much work." Ummm...yeah..I was kind of speechless. Well, not really. I had a lot of things to say, but in the interest of respect (which I seem to have, even though you don't) I bit my tongue even harder. I looked you straight in the eye, Mrs. G and I said "If we can't teach Vinnie to stay in the yard, he's going to have to go back to the pound. I won't have him getting killed because you keep reinforcing his bad behavior." Your response, Mrs. G was something like "You should have trained your dog better."
Now, let me ask you something, Mr. & Mrs. G. How am I suppose to train my dog if you keep calling him across the road? How am I suppose to teach him to respond to his name and the command "come" if that's the technique you use to get him into your yard? How?
This situation has a very simple ending. Stop calling my dog across the road. Walk over to my yard if you want to play with him.

Sincerely,
Your fed up neighbor

Letters of Intent

Dear Jesus,

You're a pretty amazing guy. Seriously. The whole water into wine thing...amazing! Feeding the masses with a few loaves and a few fish...pretty cool! But, with all the things that you did in your life I have to say that dying on the cross so my sins could be forgiven is...well...I don't really have a word for it. Awe inspiring *almost* covers it. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you!

Sincerely,
A believer

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Letters of Intent

Dear loyal readers,

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. It's been warm and we've been outside almost all day every day. So, I haven't had much time to blog. I'd love to say I'm back, but well...I'm not making any promises.

Signed,
Me


Dear Facebook,

I love you. I love keeping in touch with family and friends. However, your games are KILLING ME! They're addicting. You would think I could just stop playing. I mean, I KNOW that it's not a big deal if my (gasp) crops wither (gasp) or the food I'm "cooking" in my restaurant goes bad (double gasp), but I CAN'T HELP MYSELF! Seriously..I can't. Yes, I have an addiction to Facebook games. I love them. I LOVE THEM. It makes my husband crazy. I figure he doesn't have much room to talk since he spends hours building his fantasy baseball team.

Signed
Gotta go my food and crops are ready

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Letters of Intent

Dear Dog Abandoner Person,

Thanks! Yes, I said Thank you! I don't know who you are or why you chose to abandon your sweet dog, but your loss is clearly our gain. We thought it might be a little too soon to replace our dear sweet Annie, but I need a dog. We live in the middle of nowhere and I need that security that a dog gives me. I'd been looking around on websites for a week or so when I stumbled upon Vinnie. His picture stole my heart. I decided we must have him! So, we headed off to the pound yesterday to pick him up. I was worried that he would be too big for us to handle, after all we do have two young children.

Turns out that's not much of a problem.
Vinnie has officially been deemed "a good boy" and will be residing with us for a very long time.
I think he looks pretty happy, don't you?

Sincerely,
A grateful pet owner

PS..I don't condone just dropping your pet off in the middle of nowhere. I shake my finger at you and say "Bad!"


On a different note,

Dear Baby,
Please sleep. I don't care if it's on me, in your crib, on the floor, or the car seat, just SLEEP! You are 7.5 months old and you have a cold. You NEED TO SLEEP! This business of not napping during the day and only sleeping for 3 hours at a time at night has GOT to stop. I am suffering migraines from exhaustion and I'm more than a little grouchy. So, if you could SLEEP I would really appreciate. Your big sister and daddy would really appreciate it to. We all know that you're the princess, you don't have to exert your power with a sleep strike.

Signed

YAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN (also known as your mommy)

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Letters of Intent

Dear AT&T,

I'm having a love/hate relationship with you right now. I love my phone, I love your over the phone customer service. However, I DETEST your coverage. You see, I was a happy Centennial customer until December. My husband and I wanted spiffy new phones, and since you bought out Centennial, we had the option to switch carriers. Clearly, we opted to do so. Originally our coverage was a little spotty, but we chalked it up to the switching over of the towers. When I went in to your store and waited an hour and a half to see someone (a whole different issue) to explain my problem, I was told that we just needed new SIM cards. Keep in mind, this was within my 30 days Buyer Remorse period. Well, the new SIM cards didn't work to fix the problem. So, I called your customer care line. I've received fantastic help, but they are unable to cancel my contract unless I pay the cancellation fee, which is out of my budget (which you already know). So now I have a phone that receives coverage about 1/2 the time. It has also started to randomly turn off and on all by itself. This, by the way, is my second handset. So you see, I can't decide if I love you or hate you. I so badly want to cancel my service and use a carrier that works better in my area, but I know I'll sacrifice your excellent customer service. I'm so frustrated. Every single time I try to make a call and my phone says "Emergency Calls Only" I feel like bashing it against the wall. Surely you have an exception to your no cancellation rule. Surely we fit into that category. Please?

Sincerely,
A frustrated user



Dear VTech,

I'm not impressed at all with your customer service. I called you because our VSmile TV Learning System quit working after having it for 1 month. When I called the first time, I was told to re-set the system and I did. It worked for another 2 months. When I called the second time, I was told that you would replace my system, but not with the one I had. It was your "new and upgraded" version. However, this "new" version did not include the microphone or the writing pad on the controller. When I explained that I would be happy to take your replacement, if you would send me the one that I had, your representative became quite *ahem* bitchy with me. She acted like I was stupid, which I'm not. I simply wanted my system replaced with what I already had. If that was not possible, I was willing to take a voucher for the price of the system, so I could apply it to another VTech toy, and if that wasn't possible I wanted the VTech Motion. All you kept saying was "I'm sorry, but...." As I explain to my daughter, and apology followed by a "but" is not an apology at all.
Cut to my second phone call in two days, I spoke to a "manager" )who sounded suspiciously like the first representative I spoke to) and was given exactly what I wanted, which was the VTech Motion. So, thank you to the "manager."

Signed,
Why couldn't you just give me what I wanted the first time

Letters of Intent

Dear Girl Scouts:

I love your delicious cookies. I love your Thin Mints. I love your ThanksALot. I love them all! I would buy cases upon cases of your delicious cookies, if I could afford it. I will most likely go bankrupt buying your cookies since you keep raising the prices. I only bought 5 boxes this year instead of my usual 6. I'm already freaking out because we only have two boxes left! Maybe you could consider having a summer time cookie sale? And maybe another in the fall? I need my Girl Scout Cookie fix!!!


Sincerely,
A Girl Scout Cookie Addict

Letters of Intent

Dear person that hit my dog:
You suck. I realize that it's not entirely your fault that you hit our Annie. I know that she likes to chase cars and most likely just got too close. That said, you could have at least stopped. It honestly wouldn't have made that much of a difference, but still, it's the humane thing to do. Also, you were driving way too fast for the road conditions. I think had you been a responsible driver, you wouldn't have hit her as hard and she wouldn't have died. Then I wouldn't have to explain to my almost 3 year old why her doggie is never coming back.

Sincerely,

A devastated pet owner


Dear PBS,

Thank you for all your fabulous childrens programming. We adore Super Why, Dinosaur Train and Sesame Street. I don't feel bad letting my child watch them because they actually teach her things.

Sincerely,
The mother of a way too smart almost 3 year old.

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Letters of Intent

Better late than never right! :D





Dear Winter;
Please go away. We are sick of being sick. I'm sick of being cold. I'm sick of paying $300.00 electric bills. I'm sick of the wind. I'm sick of the snow. I'm sick of the annoying plastic on my windows. I'm sick of the water for the animals freezing almost immediately after I give it to them. I'm sick of not seeing the sun. I'm sick of being stuck inside all the time. I'm sick of looking pale. I'm sick of wearing 4 layers of clothes just to run to the store. I'm. Sick. Of. It. Please go away. Please let spring come. Please?

Sincerely,
Sick of it!


Dear Ice Cream:

Thank you for being delicious all the time. I love you.

Sincerely,
Your biggest fan

Dear Chipotle...Letters of Intent

Dear Chipotle,

I adore your food. I love that I can get a burrito the size of my forearm for $6.00. I love that my daughter can get a cheese quesedilla for $1.00. I love that your guacamole has the perfect avocado to cilantro ration. But, I will not be returning to your fine establishment.

My husband, two children and I recently picked your restaurant to enjoy our weekly dinner out. My infant daughter needed a diaper change and I boldly said to my husband "Let's wait till we get to Chipotle. The bathrooms at this WalMart are foul!" So, off we went to Chipotle to enjoy a nice family dinner. Or so we though. Upon arrival we realized that the place is TINY. There were about 10 tables and they were situated pretty much on top of each other. This mean little to no room for a high chair. That's sort of a problem since I have an infant and I refuse to sit her carseat on the floor for the duration of our dinner. However, we boldly forged ahead. We ordered our food and I took my darling infant and her urine soaked diaper into the rest room. Initially, I was very impressed. The stainless steel was quite nice and clean. Hooray! But wait...where's the changing table? Surely there's a changing table right? Hmm..Not on the wall. Perhaps behind the door? Nope! Maybe it's a built in one that looks like a counter top? NO! Hmm..am I in the women's restroom? Yup.. WAIT! So you're telling me that in a national chain restaurant there's NO CHANGING TABLE? COME ON! REALLY?

Oh Chipotle, how lucky you are that I have a wonderful husband. You see, I was going to change my daughter on the counter by your cash registers. Oh yes I was. I may have gotten me kicked out, but perhaps my point would have been made. However, my husband stopped me. Wanna know what he did? He took my INFANT out to the car in below freezing temperatures and changed her in the car. Yeah..in the car...in the cold. Did I mention that she's an INFANT? Oh..Chipotle..you are so lucky that my children have kept me busy this week and I haven't had a chance to actually send you the nasty email I've been drafting in my head.

In the future, when designing your box-sized restaurant, please consider that there are people with children that need diaper changes. Your spiffy stainless steel bathroom does me NO good if I can't use it to change my child's diaper.

Sincerely,

Never coming back to your restaurant even though your food is very tasty.

PS..and $1.25 to add guacamole to a burrito? Really? I've made guacamole and I'm certain that the little spoonful you put in my burrito does not cost even close to $1.25.

Letters of Intent

Dear Post Office that "lost" my package:

You suck. See, I bought the things in the box from a friend of mine. The items in the box were to be intended for as a Christmas gift for my child. Thankfully, she isn't old enough to realize that she didn't get the games for her Leap Pad. However, I've had to listen to "Disney Princess Stories" more times than I care to admit. In fact, I've had to hide the Leap Pad from my daughter because of the lack of books she owns for her Leap Pad. This results in lots of whining and begging for her "computer." It's not fun. Next time she whines or cries about it, I'm having her call you. I would bring her to your office so you could see the tears and the puppy dog eyes, but it's too far of a drive. The package is being re-shipped so please don't lose it this time.

Sincerely,
A Mom and the end of her rope

Dear Whining Child,

Please stop. Mommy is tired. Your baby sister is not sleeping well, so neither is Mommy. If you continue to whine at a decibal only dogs can here, I will be forced to stand you in the corner for an undetermined amount of time. And furthermore, if you could please sleep in your own bed all night, I would really appreciate. I do love to snuggle you, but waking up at 3:00 am with your foot in my face is not snuggling. It also prevents me from getting a full nights sleep. Oh! One more thing..your baby sister does NOT enjoy having her head squeezed so please stop. Honestly, MY head may explode if I have say the phrase "Stop squeezing your sister's head!" one more time.

Thank you,
Your loving and adoring Mommy

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Letters of Intent

Dear Computer Mouse:

Please stop sucking. I realize you have been well loved in the three years that we've had you. I understand that you're tired and possibly broken. However, I am snowed in. I can't replace you right now. So, stop sucking until I can get to the store. You're making my internet time very difficult.

Sincerely,

A click happy computer user

Dear snowplow drivers:

Thank you for plowing my road. You made it possible for my husband to get to work this week. I really appreciate that you take the time to plow my road, even though it's not a major road. Kinds sucks that it keeps drifting after you plow it, but that's not your fault. If I could get you to stop, I'd offer you a cup of coffee or something to show my appreciation. Plow on plowers!!!!

Sincerely,

Thankful not to be snowed in

PS...any chance you could plow my driveway?

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Letters of Intent

Dear people that are unable to drive the speed limit,

Get. Off. The. Road. Seriously. I can't tell if it's because we're doing more driving than usual, or if there are more idiots on the road, but why can't people drive the speed limit? If you are unable to operate a vehicle at the posted speed, you shouldn't be driving. Nothing irritates me more than when I'm cruising along to my destination and come up behind someone going less than the speed limit. Now, I can understand if the roads are bad, but not when they're clear. I think if you can't drive the speed limit, you should either stay in town or get the hell off the road. If I were a lawmaker, I'd make a law. It would state that if you can't drive the speed limit, you must put your four way flashers on. That way people will know that you are incapable of driving. It give those of us that are capable of driving the opportunity to pass your slow moving vehicle without even slowing down.

Sincerely,

Person in a hurry

And while I'm on the subject

Dear people that can't keep a constant speed,

Please use your cruise control. Second on my list of annoying things while driving are people that zoom up to 65, then fall back to 50, then back to 65, then back to 50..you get the idea. I like to use my cruise control. I like to not have to worry that I'll *ahem* accidently go 70 in a 55. You will get rear ended one day due to your bad driving skills. Personally, I don't think the person that hits you should be at fault. Nope! It should be you person that can't keep a constant speed.

Sincerely,

A woman that likes her cruise control


Do you have someone you'd like to write a letter to? Tell them exactly what you think? Write your letter of intent! And don't forget to go to Foursons to link up!

Letters of Intent

My friend Ashley over at What's on my mind, you ask? started doing Letters of Intent a few weeks ago. She gently nudged me to give it a try. So, I thought I would!

Letters of Intent was started by Foursons. It's a way to tell people exactly what you think. If you know me, you know I do just that!

Dear Husband,
I love you. You are a fantastic husband, but there are a few things you just don't "get." When you are done with a dish, please rinse it and stack it. This means that all little food particles should be gone! And stacking, I know it's a difficult concept, but I'll spell it out, bowls go inside of bowls, plates go on top of other plates, big things go on the bottom, little things go on the top. I am aware that this is a difficult concept, but I've shown you time and time again. It is also not necessary to use a plate for a sandwich, an orange or a handful of potato chips. It IS possible to re-use a glass throughout the day. If you put juice in it, rinse it out then you can use it for water. And ice cube trays are not dirty after you take the ice out of them. It's water, please refill it and put it back in the freezer instead of leaving it lay everywhere.

Also, I am not a morning person. You've known me for almost 4 years and never in any of that time have I been a morning person. When you wake up at 8:00 on a Saturday morning and sigh and moan thinking that will get me moving, it just annoys me. In fact, it makes me take that much longer to get moving. I like to drink my coffee, check my Facebook, Twitter, and blogs. Deal with it. If you want to get up at 8:00 and do the dishes and clean, go for it! I'll watch you as I sip my coffee!

Another thing, I know that the laundry from last week is still on the love seat. I'm not blind, I can see it. However, I've been a little busy taking care of two sick children that need my constant attention. I'm pretty sure you are able to go through the laundry and pick out your things. I think it's absurd that you expect every piece of your clothing hung (except socks and underwear). I refuse to hand up that ratty old t-shirt from high school. You know, the one with the arms cut out and holes all over it? If I had may way, it would be in the trash can.

I'm well aware that you have jeans with holes in them and that you think you need all new ones. I get it. However, until we find the seeds to a money tree or the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you'll have to wait. I have one good pair of jeans (and those don't even fit) and I make them work. You can do the same until we have extra money.

I'm pretty sure you do these things simply to get a rise out of me. That is my only explanation for the fact that I have told you OVER and OVER again! You are a really smart guy and I know you know better.

Your loving wife,

Me