I Made A Choice

 

I made a choice yesterday. I decided to not let others negativity weigh me down. We all know that one person that complains about everything. I know I do. The person I’m thinking about complains about the cold, then complains when it gets warm, then complains because it’s raining, then it’s too dry, work is too busy, work is too slow, the list goes on and on. I consider myself a pretty positive person and the constant complaining really drags me down. I find myself getting really depressed. Instead of looking at the good in life I start focusing on the bad. When I’m at work I find myself getting short with my customers and that’s not like me at all.

I knew something had to change. So, I made a choice. I decided that I was going to not only find the positive side of every situation, but also make that positive side known. Someone complains about the cold? It’ll be over soon enough. Too much rain? It’s good for the grass! Job getting you down? At least you have a job!

After I decided to look on the bright side of life, I had a much better day. I enjoyed my time at work, I enjoyed my customers, I enjoyed my kids and husband much more. Just like a negative attitude, a positive attitude is catching. If you’re happy, then those around you will be too.

Sunday, Sunday

I love Sunday. I always have. It’s always been the one day of the week where I don’t have to do anything.

When I was a kid Sundays were full of just being. There wasn’t anywhere we had to be (after Mass, of course), there wasn’t anything that had to be done. It was the one day of the week I could read a book, take a nap and even have a Pepsi. (I wasn’t allowed to have pop.) If I was with my grandparents, we’d do pretty much the same thing. It was such a relaxing day.

The lazy atmosphere of Sunday has stuck with me my entire life. When I was in college, Sunday was lazy day. I’ll admit that I had to do homework, but it always felt wrong to be productive on Sunday.

Sunday is still lazy day in our house. We usually go to church. After we either go to brunch or make a big breakfast when we get home. After that, it’s a whole lot of nothing. I usually read, play around on the computer, cross stitch and play with the girls. Ben’s a little more productive than I am. He usually cleans something. I cheer him on. The girls get to watch more movies than is probably good for them and just hang out. It’s nice. We’re all together, even if we’re not doing the same thing. It’s a lovely way to recharge our batteries for the upcoming week.

If you don’t make Sunday a lazy day, I highly recommend trying it. If you can’t be lazy, at least be together.

Happy Birthday, Valentine

I know that Adelae’s birthday was almost a week ago (Feb 14 to be exact) and we did lots of great stuff to celebrate. It just never seems like her birthday until we have her party. She was even a bit confused.

 

It always amazes me how much my kids grow and change in one short year. I always get a bit nostalgic. I pull out the baby pictures, the videos of their first steps, first words, first time eating baby food, first day of school…all that good stuff that makes us parents think “Crap. People really were right when they said to cherish every moment because they’re only little once.” I look at my giant child compared to the baby she was and I get a little panicky.

 

This last year Adelae has changed so much. She has grown so much physically, of course, but that’s not what astounds me. It’s her brain that blows me away almost daily. And she’s just so nonchalant about it. The other day she says to me “So, I can read now.” Like it was no big deal. A few days later she says to me “Hey Mommy, guess what. I can do  math now. I did addition with Daddy and I got them all right with out his help.” Ummm…what?! Reading?! Addition?! Isn’t that suppose to wait until 1st grade? Or, at the very least, Kindergarten? And her imagination is really something to behold. Her and Brinna will play Barbies for hours. Literally hours. And her heart is as big as they come. She can often be heard offering to give her toys to her little sister. Not loan, give. Sometimes it’s a ploy to get another toy, but most of the time it’s a genuine act of generosity. When she wrote her birthday list she added a few things for Brinna on there as well.

There are are times when she is most definitely still just a little kid. Like when she bawls because she has to go to bed, or she can’t watch 5 movies in a row. She’s still really shy around adults and kids she doesn’t really know. She hates to clean up. Normal kid stuff. But on the whole? I’m pretty sure she’s the best kid ever. I might be a little biased though.

 

She makes my heart melt all the time. I feel like I must be a pretty good Mom to have such a great kid. Nothing makes a Mother feel more validated than when your 5 year old climbs in your lap, lays her hands on your face and says “Don’t worry Mommy. You can still snuggle me even when I’m 5.”

 

A birthday post wouldn’t be complete with out a few photos, of course.

 

 

 

 

I broke my kid

Adelae is shy. Like really shy. Like “I’d rather poop my pants at school than tell the teacher I have to go potty” shy. I think I broke her. I think I might have told her to “be careful” or “stop doing that!” one too many times. I can’t help but wonder if I’ve somehow made her this way. She won’t talk to other kids because she doesn’t remember their names. She’s petrified of adults. That includes her aunts and uncles, teachers, and sometimes even her grandparents.

 

You can see the moment the shyness starts to overtake her. She starts scrunching the bottom of her shirt in her hands. Her head drops down. Then her shoulders start to round. It’s like she goes into a protective stance, as if she’s afraid she’s going to be hurt. We went to Build A Bear the other day and I thought Adelae was going to have a nervous breakdown when the worker was talking to her. She was scrunching her shirt so hard that she left wrinkles. Adelae was so hunched over I thought she was going to contort into a ball. It’s painful to watch.

 

I want to jump in and answer all the questions for her. I want to scoop her up and tell her that she doesn’t have to talk to anyone. I want to keep her home so that she doesn’t have to endure this every day at school. Her teachers tell me that she’s fine with the other girls in her class, but not the boys or the teachers. (I’m ok with her being shy around boys. That can last until she’s well into her 20’s.) But, I know that’s not the right thing to do. After all, it’s not like she cries when I drop her off at school, or anywhere else for that matter. She happily gets ready, jumps out of the car and races to her classroom. But, she does poop her pants because she’s too afraid to tell the teachers she needs to use the restroom. She goes with out eating her lunch because she won’t raise her hand to ask the teacher to help her open the containers. It hurts my heart. It makes me sad that I can’t be there to remind her to use the restroom, or to open her containers. Or to just hold her and make sure she’s ok.

 

And I blame myself. I’ve gotten better, but I’m an overprotective mother. I’ve said “Be careful!” more times than I can even imagine. I’m petrified of my kids being kidnapped, so I’ve always told her to NEVER talk to strangers unless Mommy or Daddy says it’s ok. In hindsight, I may have gone overboard. And now I’ve broken my baby. I can’t fix her. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to give her the confidence she needs. We try to come up with suggestions to help her at school, but then she’s too shy to even raise her hand. When she talks to me about it, she gets teary eyed. She WANTS to be more confident, but she just doesn’t know how. And I don’t know how to help her. I feel like a failure as a mother. I know that underneath that shy exterior is a wonderful little girl. She’s smart and funny. She’s a wonderful sister and friend. She’s so much more than the girl that hides in the corner. How can I give her that confidence? How can I right my wrongs?

Migraines Suck

I suffer from migraines and have for most of my memory. They’re not headaches. They’re migraines. Blinding, pounding, nausea inducing migraines. I try to explain to Ben what they feel like because “headache” is far too mild.

Imagine that you have a grape in your hand. Now, squeeze one end of the grape. See how the opposite end is sort of swollen looking, like the skin might rip at any moment? That’s how my eyes feel. Even blinking hurts them. It feels like the inside if my eyelids are lined with sandpaper. Now, imagine that you have teeny tiny elves all around your poor swollen eyes. Not cute little elves either. Knife wielding angry elves. Every single time the weakest bit of light hits your poor swollen eyes the evil little elves poke you one trillion times with their tiny little knives. Now imagine that every little sound you hear is amplified by one million times. Sort of like being at a rock concert in the front row with out all the fun of actually being at a rock concert. Now, remember that time you had the stomach virus from hell. The nausea, the body aches, and oh the nausea. Sucks right? But I’m not done yet. Now imagine that your brain is swollen against your skull and feels like it might explode at any given moment. Oh, and your head weighs about a trillion pounds. As if that isn’t enough, imagine that your neck and shoulder muscles are so tight that you can barely bend your head. You feel like your shoulders have taken permanent residence up around your ears. It’s not a lot of fun. Add in a job where you have lots of people to deal with, a computer screen to stare at and (if you’re lucky) the drive thru to contend with. But, you think to yourself, I can handle this for one day. It’s not so bad for a day. Then 3 days pass. Then it’s Christmas and you can’t even really enjoy the day because you’re head hurts so dang bad.  Then it’s 3 weeks later and you still have the cursed migraine and you’re seriously debating ripping your own head off because at least you wouldn’t have that stupid migraine anymore.

Did I mention that this whole time you’re taking Excedrin Migraine and Ibuprofen like it’s candy? 2 Excedrin is the recommended dosage. As you take them the first day you think “Ah..this will get me some relief.” Only to find out later that it doesn’t make a dent in the pain. Then you take 4 Ibuprofen because that HAS to help right? Nope, no such luck. So you drink a pop thinking “I read somewhere caffeine helps.” Nope, not at all. You think “Maybe a massage.” But, since it’s the holidays you don’t have the extra money, so you beg your husband to do it. Except he’s afraid of hurting you and is, understandably, tired from work. So it doesn’t really help at all. Calling the chiropractor will help, but they don’t have any openings. Awesome. Finally, after 3 weeks of suffering, you have an emotional breakdown. It had to happen sometime right?

This is exactly how my life went from a few weeks before Christmas until after the New Year. It was awful. I was miserable. I had a migraine on Christmas, I had a migraine on New Years. It sucked. A lot. I think the worse part is that people just don’t understand. It’s hard to explain to someone what it feels like. They seem to have the “Take some Tylenol and get over it” mentality. If someone tells you that they’re suffering from a migraine, please offer to help them out so they can go crawl into a dark hole and sleep for a few hours. Or at least be understanding. Maybe loan them a pair of sunglasses. Or a massage.

No Resolution For You!

I should probably post lots and lots of pictures of the girls opening their Christmas presents, but I'm not going to. Mostly because the pictures are still on the camera and I don't have the patience to upload them, edit them, then fight with Blogger to get them posted. Maybe some other day. Or maybe not.

Instead, I'm going to blog about New Years Resolutions. It seems like everyone makes them. Or at least says they do. I don't. I used to. Of course, like 90% (just a guess) of other people in the world, I always failed miserably. Then I would get all depressed because I couldn't stick to my Resolutions. I think I'll just bypass all that guilt and not make any resolutions to start with.

Tis The Season

I spent all of yesterday being totally stressed out about Christmas. I'm way behind on my shopping, there's never enough money to buy what I want and pay the bills too. Between Ben and I's work schedule there's no way we will be able to take the girls to see Santa this year. I had myself so stressed out I was getting ill. I managed to get two giant cold sores from the stress.

This morning I realized something. Christmas isn't about presents. It's not about spending every dime we have on extravagant presents for everyone. It's about celebrating the birth of Jesus. It's about spending time with family. It's about being grateful for the things that we are able to give to the people we love.

And Santa? My kids don't even care. Adelae said "I'll just write him a letter."