Thursday, October 20, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The Guilt Will Get Ya
I knew when I started working that I would eventually face the Working Mom Guilt. At first, I felt guilty that I didn't miss my kids more. I felt guilty that I actually ENJOYED dropping them off at the sitter's house and getting out of the house. I felt guilty because I didn't feel guilty, if that makes any sense.
So, I've been cruising along fairly guilt free for the last few months. Today, all that guilt caught up with me in one crushing blow. I was discussing with a co-worker (also a working mom) about Adelae feeling shy at school. Her response was not what I expected. I expected her to say that everything would be fine. After all, we're both working moms. Instead, she said that I should pull Adelae out of school, quit my job and stay at home again. That's when it hit me right between the eyes.....The Working Mom Guilt.
I've always had an over active imagination. So, the picture I mentally pained quickly went from bad to worse. I imagined poor Adelae being left at the door with out a "Have a good day!" or a "Have fun!" I imagined poor Adelae playing all by herself at recess because her teachers didn't know she was shy. Why didn't they know? Because I couldn't tell them because I was too busy at work to drop her off or pick her up from school. I imagined all the other kids thinking that the babysitter was her mom. I imagined Adelae alone outside the school waiting on a Mommy that never came. The Working Mom Guilt was in full force. I was trying to wait on customers while holding back tears. I wanted to rush out of the bank, drive as fast as I could to my daughter's school, pick her up, hug her and reassure her that I loved her.
Then I got a grip. The girls baby sitter is one of my good friends. Adelae gets dropped off at school with the baby sitter's son, who is in Adelae's class. I know she's never dropped off without a "Goodbye!" or a "Have a nice day!" I know that it doesn't matter if the other kids think that the sitter is Adelae's mom. I know that she'll never be left all alone in the front of the school waiting on me. That Working Mom Guilt was trying to take hold deep inside. It was playing on my insecurities. I knew that none of it was true.
You see, I thought long and hard before I went back to work. I didn't jump at the first job that came my way. I didn't accept the job before Ben and I really looked at the pros and cons. I know that in order to do the things we want to do, I had to find a job. I had to go back to work, at least part time. And, despite the Working Mom Guilt, I'm confident I made the right decision.
Adelae's teacher sends home a progress book every day. I'm able to communicate with them through that book. I've written notes about how shy she is feeling. They are doing their best to work with her. Adelae won't ever be left in front of the school crying because Mommy didn't pick her up. The girls know that they are far more important to me than any job could possibly be.
I still can't quite fathom why another working mom would lay that Working Mom Guilt Trip on me. I don't know that I'll ever understand. But, the next time she tries, I can keep the Working Mom Guilt Monster at bay. I had 4.5 very good years at home with my kids. Now it's time for mommy to go to work and make some money!
So, I've been cruising along fairly guilt free for the last few months. Today, all that guilt caught up with me in one crushing blow. I was discussing with a co-worker (also a working mom) about Adelae feeling shy at school. Her response was not what I expected. I expected her to say that everything would be fine. After all, we're both working moms. Instead, she said that I should pull Adelae out of school, quit my job and stay at home again. That's when it hit me right between the eyes.....The Working Mom Guilt.
I've always had an over active imagination. So, the picture I mentally pained quickly went from bad to worse. I imagined poor Adelae being left at the door with out a "Have a good day!" or a "Have fun!" I imagined poor Adelae playing all by herself at recess because her teachers didn't know she was shy. Why didn't they know? Because I couldn't tell them because I was too busy at work to drop her off or pick her up from school. I imagined all the other kids thinking that the babysitter was her mom. I imagined Adelae alone outside the school waiting on a Mommy that never came. The Working Mom Guilt was in full force. I was trying to wait on customers while holding back tears. I wanted to rush out of the bank, drive as fast as I could to my daughter's school, pick her up, hug her and reassure her that I loved her.
Then I got a grip. The girls baby sitter is one of my good friends. Adelae gets dropped off at school with the baby sitter's son, who is in Adelae's class. I know she's never dropped off without a "Goodbye!" or a "Have a nice day!" I know that it doesn't matter if the other kids think that the sitter is Adelae's mom. I know that she'll never be left all alone in the front of the school waiting on me. That Working Mom Guilt was trying to take hold deep inside. It was playing on my insecurities. I knew that none of it was true.
You see, I thought long and hard before I went back to work. I didn't jump at the first job that came my way. I didn't accept the job before Ben and I really looked at the pros and cons. I know that in order to do the things we want to do, I had to find a job. I had to go back to work, at least part time. And, despite the Working Mom Guilt, I'm confident I made the right decision.
Adelae's teacher sends home a progress book every day. I'm able to communicate with them through that book. I've written notes about how shy she is feeling. They are doing their best to work with her. Adelae won't ever be left in front of the school crying because Mommy didn't pick her up. The girls know that they are far more important to me than any job could possibly be.
I still can't quite fathom why another working mom would lay that Working Mom Guilt Trip on me. I don't know that I'll ever understand. But, the next time she tries, I can keep the Working Mom Guilt Monster at bay. I had 4.5 very good years at home with my kids. Now it's time for mommy to go to work and make some money!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
That Wasn't So Bad
Our little camping trip went remarkably well. Sure, I forgot the camera at home, we got a late start and almost didn't get to the campground in time to get the key for our little cabin. Thankfully I had my phone and Ben managed to grab the girl at the camp store before she left for the night, so all's well that ends well.
Here's our little cabin in the woods. (Except not so much in the woods, so more like our little cabin by an unmowed field)
We arrived pretty late the first night, so we didn't do much more than unpack and go to sleep.
The next day was jam packed with action.
We did a little playing on the playground.
Visited the lake (the girls first time ever seeing any body of water larger than a pond)
Went to the beach.
Played in the sand.
Swam like little fish.
Played in the sand some more.
Had some friends over for dinner.
We, of course, had a gigantic thunderstorm our second night there. Apparently, if you want it to rain, just tell us to go camping. Thanks to our little cabin, we stayed perfectly dry. I do have to admit that I was more than a little nervous about Adelae sleeping in the top bunk inches away from the canvas roof as the wind howled, rain pelted and lightening flashed. So, I woke her up, tucked her in bed with her Daddy and attempted to fall back asleep.
The next day we decided to head home early. Our original plan was to head to the zoo, but with Brinna's fear of everything that moves, we thought it might not be such a good idea. We headed back to the beach to collect some shells and take some more pictures before we headed home.
Here's our little cabin in the woods. (Except not so much in the woods, so more like our little cabin by an unmowed field)
We arrived pretty late the first night, so we didn't do much more than unpack and go to sleep.
The next day was jam packed with action.
We did a little playing on the playground.
Visited the lake (the girls first time ever seeing any body of water larger than a pond)
Went to the beach.
Played in the sand.
Swam like little fish.
Played in the sand some more.
Had some friends over for dinner.
We, of course, had a gigantic thunderstorm our second night there. Apparently, if you want it to rain, just tell us to go camping. Thanks to our little cabin, we stayed perfectly dry. I do have to admit that I was more than a little nervous about Adelae sleeping in the top bunk inches away from the canvas roof as the wind howled, rain pelted and lightening flashed. So, I woke her up, tucked her in bed with her Daddy and attempted to fall back asleep.
The next day we decided to head home early. Our original plan was to head to the zoo, but with Brinna's fear of everything that moves, we thought it might not be such a good idea. We headed back to the beach to collect some shells and take some more pictures before we headed home.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
One last summer fling
The end of summer is upon us. Before too long Adelae will be starting her second year of preschool, the weather will get colder and I imagine the snow will start to fly. We've truly made the most of our summer. We've had one party after another, or so it seems. It's left very little time for our little family to just be together, something we really enjoy. So, when Ben's boss told him he needed to start using his vacation time and I had 2 days off in a row, we decided we were going to get away. Adelae has been begging to go camping, so camping we shall go!
You might remember our last camping trip that didn't turn out so great. If not, definitely go read about it, it truly was The Trip That Had It All (and then some). But, now we're a year older and a year wiser so we thought we'd try it again.
I checked the weather radar and there's not a chance of rain, Brinna's old enough to walk by herself, the sand toys are already in the car, and we've packed lots and lots of stuff to do. I'm sure that something will go wrong, things always seem to, but I know that we'll survive and have fun anyway.
You might remember our last camping trip that didn't turn out so great. If not, definitely go read about it, it truly was The Trip That Had It All (and then some). But, now we're a year older and a year wiser so we thought we'd try it again.
I checked the weather radar and there's not a chance of rain, Brinna's old enough to walk by herself, the sand toys are already in the car, and we've packed lots and lots of stuff to do. I'm sure that something will go wrong, things always seem to, but I know that we'll survive and have fun anyway.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
The Joys of Summer
When I was a kid I LOVED summer. I loved the hot weather. I couldn't wait to get out of bed and go hand out with my friends. To me, summer was swimming, bike riding, sleep overs and swinging. I miss those simple little joys.
As an adult, I often feel like I have way to many responsibilities to just let go and have fun. There's always something that has to be done. Now that I'm working, there's even more that has to be done in a shorter amount of time. I miss swinging and swimming and laughing so hard my cheeks hurt. I miss playing with wild abandon, not caring how I look or how others perceive me.
So, I've made a decision. I will play like a child. I will relish every single moment I get to spend with my kids. I give so many underdogs and power pushes that my arms are sore. I will run, jump, scream and play. I will laugh until my stomach hurts. I will enjoy the joys of summer, just like I'm a child.
Even if I have to do it between loads of laundry.
*The two other little girls in the pictures are my nieces, Makayla and Alayna, respectively. The pictures, except for the swing picture, were taken by Stacy Thomas.*
As an adult, I often feel like I have way to many responsibilities to just let go and have fun. There's always something that has to be done. Now that I'm working, there's even more that has to be done in a shorter amount of time. I miss swinging and swimming and laughing so hard my cheeks hurt. I miss playing with wild abandon, not caring how I look or how others perceive me.
So, I've made a decision. I will play like a child. I will relish every single moment I get to spend with my kids. I give so many underdogs and power pushes that my arms are sore. I will run, jump, scream and play. I will laugh until my stomach hurts. I will enjoy the joys of summer, just like I'm a child.
Even if I have to do it between loads of laundry.
*The two other little girls in the pictures are my nieces, Makayla and Alayna, respectively. The pictures, except for the swing picture, were taken by Stacy Thomas.*
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Trying to find a balance
The adjustment to my new work schedule has been a bit difficult, to say the least. This is the first steady job I've had since Adelae was born. That's almost 4.5 years. That's a LONG time to be with out a job. A really long time. My part-time job has turned into a 5 day a week job. Not every day is a full day, and that makes it almost harder in some ways. In case you were wondering, working 10-6 is not a good shift. You might think it would be, but it's not. At least I don't enjoy it.
I do, however, enjoy my job. I love the people I work with and I enjoy the work. I just haven't quite been able to balance work and home yet. When I get home, I'm so exhausted that I just want to sit and be still. Having 2 young children does not make sitting and being still very easy. And someone still has to cook dinner, clean up dinner, take care of the kids and maybe squeeze in some alone time with my husband. It hasn't been easy.
I feel like no matter what I do, something suffers. If I cut back on my hours at work, then Ben has to work overtime to make the money to pay the bills. If I spend more time with my husband, my kids suffer. If I spend more time with my kids, my husband suffers. I feel like I'm being pulled in about 20 different directions at once. Apparently the laundry and dishes still pile up, even if you don't have time to take care of them. It also doesn't help that it's summer. We are always so busy in the summer. We have something going on almost every day of every weekend. It's exhausting. I miss sitting around all day on Saturday and not doing anything. I miss sleeping in and morning cuddles with my girls.
I am extremely fortunate though. I have an amazing babysitter. The kids LOVE going to her house. In fact, there are days when I don't work and they STILL ask to go to the sitters. Thanks to her, I'm able to go to work and give my full attention to my job. I don't ever worry that my kids aren't being taken care of.
And then there's my husband. When I stayed at home, most of the house cleaning and cooking fell to me. That was my job. I hated it, but it was my job. Since I've started working he's pulled his weight and then some. We've started working on a schedule. On the nights when I come home early, I cook dinner and he does the dishes. On the nights when I come home late, he starts dinner and I do the dishes. I had to work this morning for a few hours. I came home to a pretty clean house, the kids were eating lunch and the dishes were done. He even did a load of his laundry. It was awesome. Especially since a nasty migraine decided to smack me upside the head in my last hour of work. After he spent the morning picking up the house, he went outside and started working on the railing for the slide platform he built a few weeks ago.
What did I do? I sat and read on my Nook. I might have even dozed for a little bit. Shh...don't tell. ;)
All in all, we're slowly getting into a rhythm. Will will make this work. I have faith that in another month, we'll be like a well oiled machine.
At least I hope so.
I do, however, enjoy my job. I love the people I work with and I enjoy the work. I just haven't quite been able to balance work and home yet. When I get home, I'm so exhausted that I just want to sit and be still. Having 2 young children does not make sitting and being still very easy. And someone still has to cook dinner, clean up dinner, take care of the kids and maybe squeeze in some alone time with my husband. It hasn't been easy.
I feel like no matter what I do, something suffers. If I cut back on my hours at work, then Ben has to work overtime to make the money to pay the bills. If I spend more time with my husband, my kids suffer. If I spend more time with my kids, my husband suffers. I feel like I'm being pulled in about 20 different directions at once. Apparently the laundry and dishes still pile up, even if you don't have time to take care of them. It also doesn't help that it's summer. We are always so busy in the summer. We have something going on almost every day of every weekend. It's exhausting. I miss sitting around all day on Saturday and not doing anything. I miss sleeping in and morning cuddles with my girls.
I am extremely fortunate though. I have an amazing babysitter. The kids LOVE going to her house. In fact, there are days when I don't work and they STILL ask to go to the sitters. Thanks to her, I'm able to go to work and give my full attention to my job. I don't ever worry that my kids aren't being taken care of.
And then there's my husband. When I stayed at home, most of the house cleaning and cooking fell to me. That was my job. I hated it, but it was my job. Since I've started working he's pulled his weight and then some. We've started working on a schedule. On the nights when I come home early, I cook dinner and he does the dishes. On the nights when I come home late, he starts dinner and I do the dishes. I had to work this morning for a few hours. I came home to a pretty clean house, the kids were eating lunch and the dishes were done. He even did a load of his laundry. It was awesome. Especially since a nasty migraine decided to smack me upside the head in my last hour of work. After he spent the morning picking up the house, he went outside and started working on the railing for the slide platform he built a few weeks ago.
What did I do? I sat and read on my Nook. I might have even dozed for a little bit. Shh...don't tell. ;)
All in all, we're slowly getting into a rhythm. Will will make this work. I have faith that in another month, we'll be like a well oiled machine.
At least I hope so.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Watch out world!
After almost 2 years, I'm re-joining the work force! It's only part-time, but it's a job! I feel lucky to have found employment, especially with the economy the way it is. I would say that this means I'll be blogging less, but I rarely blog at all as it is! HA!
I know that I should probably be focusing on how the extra money is going to help out with paying the bills and buying the necessary things, but all I can think about is "Do I want a Kindle, a Nook Color, or a tablet of some sort?"
I know that I should probably be focusing on how the extra money is going to help out with paying the bills and buying the necessary things, but all I can think about is "Do I want a Kindle, a Nook Color, or a tablet of some sort?"
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